A nautical adage: “In olden times, ships were made of wood, and men were made of iron. In these times, ships are made of iron, and men are made of wood.” Is this true? Are we in the era of metro men made of wood and plastic? Are you a metro man or a True Man, a man of iron?
Certainly a True Man is not the wimpy adult male portrayed on TV—a slouchy goof splayed on a couch with his buddies in a man cave drinking beer and watching football on a giant screen while playing video games. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that). Or the GQ guy in the fancy Mercedes with bling hanging from his ears, an Android in his hand, and sporting a fat stock portfolio. So what are the attributes of a modern man of iron? I have pondered this for some time and have developed a 20-item test with representative male-centered items which indicate the extent of a guy’s True Man status. Are you willing to take the test? If not, please click off this essay right now, and you won’t be offended.
If you are 18 or over and willing to take the test, get out a piece of paper and a pencil, write out a column of numbers from 1 to 20, and simply answer YES or NO to the 20 statements below. After you have finished, score yourself and see where you stand. Note that some items have multiple parts—you must meet everything on that item to indicate YES. Also, some items will ask if you have done something once that you have done a thousand times—just say YES. Please read each item carefully, and think whether the statement is true about you. Here we go:
The True Man Test
1-In the wilderness, I have started a fire from scratch and have built a comfortable shelter from found materials (e.g., driftwood, rocks, snow, sand, clay).
2-I have camped alone in the wilderness (not a campground) for 3 or more nights on a single outing.
3-I have walked, or paddled, or ridden a horse over 150 miles in a single journey.
4-I have both won and lost fights—and avoid them when possible.
5-I have shot a bow and arrow, hand gun, shotgun, and a rifle.
6-I have hunted down an animal, killed it, cleaned it, cooked it, and eaten it.
7-I have participated in dangerous outdoor physical activities (e.g., whitewater kayaking, bull riding, climbing, hang gliding, cliff diving, rugby).
8-I have driven a vehicle over 120 mph, and have driven across difficult 4-wheel drive terrain.
9-I can effectively wield bladed weapons (e.g., knives, tomahawks, swords, spears), and I have practiced martial arts (e.g., boxing, jujitsu, karate).
10-I have served honorably in the military and/or as a policeman, EMT, or fireman of some sort.
11-I have worked all day for days on end in a hard physical job (e.g., logger, cowboy, farmer, steelworker, miner, roofer, ditch digger).
12-I have been in top physical shape at least once in my life, and I can walk 15 miles non-stop right now.
13-I can build and fix most things around the house.
14-I have fathered and raised a child.
15-I am gentle and kind to women, children and the weak, and I protect them from the wolves of society.
16-I speak truth to myself and others, and have taken a stand against the powerful who do grievous wrong.
17-I keep my word, pay my debts, make my own way in life, and do not take from others.
18-I wear my physical, mental, and emotional scars with dignity.
19-I have gotten falling down drunk but am not dependent on alcohol or any drug.
20-I do not fear death and hope that when I die, people will say I lived with honor.
Scoring the True Man Test
Count up all your YES answers and multiply that number by 5. That will give you your base score on a scale of 0-100. Look again at the questions on which you answered NO; give yourself 1 point for each item you almost said YES to (up to 10 points total). (Example: you walked 135 not 150 miles on item #3, so give yourself 1 extra point). Write down your final True Man score.
If you are over 18 and scored less than 35 points, you are not and may never be a True Man. You should examine your life to see what major changes you can make in the time you have left to live. If you are young (18-21) and scored between 40-55, you are on the path to becoming a True Man, so keep it up. If you are over 22 and scored below 60, you are not a True Man at this time. You may become one in the future, as an older and more mature man, but you need to act now to prove your mettle.
If you scored 60 or above, you are a True Man. You may have a ways to go to become a 100% True Man, but your life to this point has shown that you are made of iron, and not wood. It would be an honor and a privilege to meet you. Though it is unlikely that many of us will ever reach 100%, we can stay on the path of manhood and do our best for the rest of our lives. That’s what True Men do.
What was your score? How did taking the True Man Test make you feel? Will you be making changes in your life? What came to your mind as you read each item? Why do you think I included each item in the list? Which items would you add, or delete? Feel free to ask any questions about any item or the test itself. Just post your comment or question below.
My next post will be on January 2nd, 2012. Enjoy the holidays and resolve in 2012 to walk the path of the True Man.
Peter Donohue says
I scored pretty well, but I suspect I’d still scream like a girl if a Great White decided to taste my kayak…
I am assuming that question 6 doesn’t include fishing or crabbing?
I wonder how the female members of Tsunami Rangers feel about this? They are kind of left out. What would your real woman version include?
Eric Soares says
Peter, you are a fast responder! I just posted this a couple of minutes ago. Thanks! Let me respond to each of your important comments.
1. Great White attack. I might scream like a little girl in that situation, as I have witnesses that Tsunami Ranger Captain Jim Kakuk and I screamed like little girls and ran in circles when a teapot whistled strangely. (Our excuse is that it sounded just like a rattlesnake). 🙂 Regardless, I have thought carefully about what I would do in a shark attack. Read my essay on how to deal with sharks: https://tsunamirangers.com/2010/10/27/how-to-deal-with-sharks/.
2. Question #6 can include fishing, crabbing, abalone hunting, etc., if you think it should. After all, these are all animals. But it does not include mushroom hunting and acorn gathering, and such.
3. I’m glad you asked how female Tsunami Rangers feel about this quiz. Deb, how do you feel, and how did you score? (Note: the top photo has 3 Tsunami Rangers in it–Dave Whalen on the left, me in the middle, and Deb Volturno on the right). I would think that any Real Woman would score pretty high on the True Man Test, since these masculine virtues are human virtues worth emulating. It’s true that women will not father a child, so they don’t count that item (#14). And probably, most women are too smart to drive over 120mph, so they may not say YES to that (item #8). But take item #19: I would bet that many Real Women have been falling down drunk at least once, but are not dependent on alcohol or drugs. And if they are, they don’t count that one. Simple.
Any Real Woman who wants to take True Man Test–do it!
Tag says
68.
Girl power. 🙂
Steven King says
Don Diego,
It was fun, I scored 72, gracias a dios! How about you? I also immediately wondered about woman and figured many would score as true man which would be for some woman be very cool, others would maybe not like it. What would a 20 question true woman test look like and how many true men might score also as true woman? Or how about a 20 questions series for True human, non gender specific?
Happy Holidays to all true men, woman and humans!
Steve
Eric Soares says
I scored a 95, Steve. But then, I (unconsciously, yeah, that’s it) skewed the test toward myself and what I have done. I paddled 151 miles once (that’s how I got the distance for #3. I could have put 500 miles, and then I would have to say NO, but 150 is good enough, si?)
I will think of a “True Human” scale. That would be a fun one to work on. As for True Woman, I could do it, but defer to female readers who may be more qualified. Anyone care to take on the challenge?
Jonno says
Rugby? Not a lot more dangerous than croquet – depending on the positionyou play 🙂
Fat Paddler says
Clearly you didn’t play it right! 🙂
Eric Soares says
Gosh, Jonno, I always thought that rugby was a pretty rough sport, but I’ve always been too chicken to play! Maybe someone else can tell me whether it’s dangerous.
Ed Anderson says
Well it looks like I am a True Man. As such, I will defend to the death my right to live out my child-like dreams! Thanks Eric!
Nancy Soares says
Eric said he wanted me to take this test. I replied: ” I am not a man, I am not a true man, I don’t want to be a man, and this test doesn’t apply to me.” I do think it’s a great test:)
Eric Soares says
Yes, dear.
JohnA says
Spoken like a true man Eric 🙂
Michele Sorensen says
LOL!
John Nagle says
Rugby is not any more dangerous than croquet?? Jonno, although I would never tell a back line player this, the hardest tackle I ever took in rugby was when I was moved out from the safety of the scrum to wing for a game and was stopped at full flight. Having played; prop, lock, loose forward, outside center, ref, coach and wing I found them all to have their element of danger.
As for the scoring in the 5th percentile and how it feels, a true person, since I know several women who would score just as high, would quietly say “this is why the beer taste better.”
John
Fat Paddler says
I’ve played wing, 5/8, No 8 and my final years at Prop, and I can say they all had their moments of toughness! In my final year of rugby I played for 5 weeks on a broken ankle before I found out through an x-ray for something else…. 😉
John Lull says
I’m glad to find out I’m a ‘true man.’ Wouldn’t want to be a false one, that’s for sure. I scored 77.
A few I had to say no to: I didn’t take part in that fiasco in Vietnam, so no military service. I’ve never owned a car that could reach 120 mph without falling apart, luckily, because when I was younger I would have been stupid enough to do it. Never fathered a child (that I know of 🙂 ). I wish I could say I’ve paddled 150 miles on one trip, but never could resist taking my time to explore every nook & cranny, rather than covering the miles, out on an expedition. Hey that last one might make a good future article of some kind.
Fun post Eric, and yeah I like Nancy’s answer!
Marc Soares says
I scored a 73, Eric, but also scored a 95 on my own supplemental, me-skewered man test. I had to say no on the exact same q’s as John Lull said no on. Perhaps the driving 120 mph could be replaced with “Have you cried as an adult in front of people more than 3 times? or something like that. What about a question dealing with pain?
Fat Paddler says
Whilst True Men don’t whine, I will mutter something under my breath about “cultural bias”. I haven’t handled a shotgun (our gun laws are different), but I have smashed an attacking deadly brown snake mid-air with a shovel. I’ve not wielded bladed weapons, although I have been stabbed a couple of times. I’ve not hunted animals, but I have paddled in rough seas alongside cruising Bull Sharks who were arguably hunting me. I can’t walk 15 miles comfortably (since I shattered my pelvis) but I have recently completed a Warrior Dash event.
But in the end, this is all irrelevant, since True Men don’t do online quizzes.
😉
JohnA says
Mate, didn’t you do the classic this year ? I think the Hawkesbury Canoe Classic is an acceptable substitute for a 15 mile walk. 110km overnight on a tidal river with a GP is good enough for me. Special dispensation Eric ? 🙂
Probably giving the Australian Tourist Board nightmares here but I knocked the head off a rather irate, 6 foot, black snake with a shovel once. It was very tasty barbequed with garlic and soy sauce. Longest rack of ribs I ever ate and a little fiddly but it seemed a shame to waste it. These days I would just back off and let it retreat, I was young and ignorant then and knew no better. Brown snakes are a bit different of course. More aggressive, more toxic and they commit to multiple strike patterns. You did well, Grasshopper. 🙂
Not sure exactly where I came out, depends on how you count some. 70+. Good topic, Eric.
Eric Soares says
Thanks John A! Okay, FP, the Hawkesbury counts as 150, because it’s at night and difficult. And, we’ll count your deadly brown snake encounter as good with “bladed” weapons, since a shovel can be a truly formidable weapon. I know I wouldn’t want to get hit by one.
We barbied rattlesnake once. Mmmm, tastes like chicken.
Cate says
Ditto to Nancy’s comment.
Eric Soares says
There are a lot of good comments here, so I will respond to a few.
FP and John Nagle: Arrrgh, mates! I guess rugby be man enuf!
John Lull and Marc Soares: you don’t have to go 120 in YOUR car. It’s much more fun in your buddy’s Corvette. And Mark, last I checked, you were the father of two kids. Wait…the mailman!
Marc and FP: It’s true that True Men don’t waste time doing online quizzes! They’d rather eat quiche or anything they want (I prefer lemon meringue pie made with real Meyer lemons). As for alternate questions: Yes, there could be a lot of choices. Pain would be a good one, but everyone must deal with pain.
I tried to be generic in my questions, and didn’t mention species, but if you are Aussie and you have ridden a kangaroo 150 kilometers, I’ll say you are a True Man. 🙂 Also, I realize it may be that you haven’t shot a shotgun (not allowed in Oz), but you are a marksman with an M-16. That works for me. Use your own discretion when filling out the test.
As for not being good with knives, FP, I reply “Really?” I would think you would be. But getting knifed is not the same as being good with knives. Note that 99% of people who get in knife fights get cut, even if they are good with knives!
gnarlydog says
Eric,
I am borderline: score 60.
However I would like to consider myself NOT a true man, according to your scale.
There are so many questions that need elaboration but I understand where you are heading.
I presume that you have a thing against the direction society is heading and breading a population of weak spineless humans (I am more comfortable with “human” than man since I see both genders heading that way).
While your scoring system does include real manly situations/skills you have to look at what society we unfortunately live in.
Great majority of us that have access to computers and read your blog most likely live in an urban environment where the skills you describe hardly apply or are welcome.
If we take a step further on what all this means I regard anything a man does is directly related to impressing a woman: it happens in the animal world and happens in humans (many studies support this statement of mine).
So, these “manly” attributes that you allude to might be a thing of an environment of a gone-by era, don’t you think?
The way things are in an urban society today unfortunately favour the guy with the Merc with the iPad (what Android? that’s so not in-crowd! )
Women will always look at guys that can successfully raise a family. Machismo was a desirable attribute in the Wild West but is not so relevant today.
As for myself: have not and I am not interested in fathering a child (environmental reasons) and I try to dance to a tune all of my own not necessarily aiming to impress the ladies.
I do like to be outside and do manly things but that’s coz I just love it for my own pleasure.
Things I do loath thou: bearing arms, violent confrontations and the army (even if I compulsory served in it when younger).
Call me metro but I don’t think I fit that bill.
SheilaP says
I am a true man in a female form (and proud of it). 🙂
Eric Soares says
Good for you, Sheila!
eric
Eric Soares says
Good to hear from you, Gnarlydog! You always have something interesting to add to the equation. Let me respond to some of your comments:
1. 60 is a True Man. You must have made it on your love of the outdoors and physical activities. And you are still a relatively young man, and could score more points as time goes on. At any rate, you are not what I’d call metro.
2. Yes, I do believe that current civilization (In America anyway) emphasizes the metro man who keeps up with the Joneses, who tries to look cool (no doubt to impress the chicks–or somebody or something), schmoozes his way to success, and spends a lot of time sitting down and moving his thumbs on games or texting or something. BTW, I don’t know the dif between an I-Pad and an Android; my step-son said that Androids are better for financial stuff like Wall Street, so I was just guessing in the essay. I can’t afford and don’t know how to use that techno stuff and can barely make my computer work. Also, in America, males are much fatter than they used to be, and females now go to college more than males (at the university where I worked, the ratio was 60/40 of women to men). To me, this means that men are getting less able to make it in the world. Also, a lot of men nowadays think it’s really important to be a good societal drone. To me, this makes them boring and predictable. This is not a bad thing, just uninteresting. I can’t/won’t do the chit chat on the latest techno gadget.
3. I would agree that urbanites and suburbanites are more likely to be metro and have iPads and take online quizzes than outbackers. It is more challenging for a dude in a city environment to be a True Man, yet many opportunities exist–but it’s so comfy in a plush car, a nice office, and an air-conditioned gym.
4. I included the item on the military/police/firemen because these are societal roles that “protect” weak people and their country–a traditional male role. One doesn’t have to like being in the military, one just has to do it–because it is duty to your country, or in the case of cops, to your community. For what it’s worth, many brave men and women in the armed services don’t like war. I didn’t like it when I served. Very few people do–except those who profit from it….
5. There is certainly no need for you to father a child; in today’s overcrowded world, we are not desperate for more humans. I put that item in the test because it shows a couple of things: 1] a guy has had sex at least once, and 2]he has had the responsibility, and it is huge, to raise a child. Raising kids is just as important for men as it is for women. Unfortunately, in American society at least, men with kids have not always met their responsibilities.
6. You say you loath (I think you mean loathe) bearing arms and violent confrontations. I certainly agree with you that violent confrontations are bad. I’m 100% for peaceful relations between people and nations. As for bearing arms, it’s a traditional and typical male thing to bear arms for providing food and for defense. I didn’t say carelessly swing weapons around in a macho manner–that is bad. Anyway, if you loathe it, that’s no problem. That’s only one of 20 items. There will be items that we can’t or won’t do, and that’s okay. In fact, a guy could get a zero on this test and still be a fine person. Right?
Jill E says
Ok I took the test and am a true man in female form also LOL (also proud of it)
(score 95 & I did not cheat)
Question 14 tripped me up….’I have fathered and raised a child’….maybe you should put a sub section3- ‘I have given birth and raised a child’….but then again I’d have to have answered No. 😉
Loved the test!
Eric Soares says
Glad you loved the test, Jill! That word “fathered” is troublesome all right. ah heck, each of these items can be fudged a bit to fit your situation. :]
Padre Jack says
For whatever it implies, I hit 67—mostly on what happened the first 45 years of my life. If you had included underdeveloped world experience I might have garnered a few more points. And if you had thrown in a few questions on crazy adolescent illegal activities, I might have scored higher. But then if I didn’t have this tendency to think I’m better than I am (or was) I might have to shave off a few points. Do I get extra points for not being afraid of hell?
Eric Soares says
Jack, nope, you don’t get extra points for not being afraid of HELL (Hedonistic Epicurean Libertine Lifestyle). Question #20 answers that. I assume you said YES, you are not afraid of death (that is, hell).
Always good to hear from you Jack. Be sure to read my essay on injuries and illnesses, because I talk about you! Just click below.
Terry Stryker says
Eric, That was an interesting test. I had an early start on that list, so I scored 82. But…anyone who has played rugby should automaticly be a “TRUE MAN”!!! That’s one of the hardest,toughest, and craziest thing I ever did! It ranks right up there with a car wreck!!!(at 120 mph.) I’m also wearing all my scars with dignity…kinda. Thank’s for the test, and have a happy holiday season. Your old friend, Terry
Eric Soares says
Hey Terry,
It’s hard to wear scars with dignity. It’s easy for me to show off my physical scars, but the mental and emotional ones take a lot of work–because of shame, fear, guilt, and the like. I’m hangin’ in, and you do too. I’ll see you when I do.
eric
Padre Jack says
Actually, I miscounted. I was higher than 67; but I’m taking points off for stupidity, and for trying to make myself look better, and adding them on admitting my vainglory, and not claiming a higher score…. Anyway, thanks Eric for keeping the party going. Lots of fun. But I wonder, have we reached the stage where our memories are more important than our dreams?
Eric Soares says
It’s possible that you and I and anyone in the autumn or winter of their lives may be centering more on memories than dreams; but for me, I keep on dreamin’–but I’m not the only one.
Marc Soares says
Perhaps another test, gleaned from contributors–such as…
1-Spent a night in a snowstorm.
2-Been lost in the wild, and had to use wits to self rescue.
3-Climbed more than 10 peaks, to the tippy top.
4-Rescued someone from peril.
5-Been bitten by a snake.
6-Competed in 3 or more physical competitions as an adult.
7-Been on an overnight kayak or canoe trip.
8-Gave speech or emceed in front of 500 or more people.
9-Seen more than 1 bear and 1 mountain lion in the wild.
10-The other questions I mentioned in my previous post.
T’was good reading Terry Stryker’s post.
Eric Soares says
Cool list, Marc. I got 8 out of 10, as you might have guessed. I spent the night in a snowstorm with you, been lost and self-rescued with you, climbed to the tippy tippy top of 10 or more peaks with you. Never been bitten by a snake, unless you count that mean little watersnake when I was 10 or so. And I’ve never seen a mountain lion in the wild, but I have seen several bears, rattle snakes, sea snakes, sharks, etc. Does that count?
As for your #10 category, that was “cried 3 times in public as an adult.” I tend to cry at beauty and when I see true heroism. So maybe I have done it in public. But I have never cried in public for myself. Thanks for the additional items, Marc.
gnarlydog says
OK, so we are onto “amending the list”?
How about deducting a point if:
1) chucked a mental when the iPhone battery went flat
2) called AAA to change a flat tyre
3) couldn’t go without waxing the legs for more than a week (for guys)
4) absolutely refused to settle for overnight accommodation that didn’t have an on-suite
5) read the instruction manual to operate the toaster
6) follow at least 50 people on Facebook
7) have the car washed and waxed at least once a week
8) ask for advice on matching shirts with pants with socks with shoes with hat (yes all at the same time)
9) called the electrician to change a light bulb
10) fall asleep hugging your favorite teddy bear
11) have bulging muscles (from gym workouts) but afraid of manual work
12) have considered at least once surgery for pec/calf implants
11) ate quiche
🙂
JohnA says
Damn Gnarly, I was doing OK until you threw the quiche question in! I quite like quiche.
Terry Stryker says
gnarlydog, With your “amended list”, my score just went down….alot!!! LOL. To the ladies,…I watch my son be born!!! That looked worst that rugby!!!!! Marc, I enjoyed your articles on the outdooors. Do you still get out there and do you write about it ? Also, was that a rattlesnake that bit you? Please let me know. Eric, can’t wait to get together after the holidays. We have alot to talk about. Your old friend, Tippy Top Terry
Eric Soares says
Gnarlydog, I love your amended list. I only blew it on the quiche (which I love), and the teddy bear (I also have a stuffed penguin named Pengy and a stuffed frog named Clinton). So I still have a pretty good score.
Hey, I don’t like the idea of subtracting points!
Kenny Howell says
Eric, that was fun. I scored high, but need to score higher…Thanks for the inspiration. BTW, a true man is also a true lover. You’ve got to serenade a beutiful woman, romance her, and show the opposite sex that you’ve got a lot of mojo. A True Man can write a love poem, make a gourmet dinner (in the wilderness!), and make his mistress want to climb in his tent. So add that to your list right now. It means nothing to spread your seed if you haven’t done it with true love. Get it? Got it? Good!
Eric Soares says
You are so right, Kenny! That should be added in.
John Lull says
Eric, you mentioned: “You don’t have to go 120 in YOUR car.”
Hey man, you just jogged a memory for me. I’m more of a man than I thought! I can add some points. Way back in ’69, right out of high school I got a summer job at Lake Tahoe, parking cars in the evening for millionaires at a Racket Club (tennis snobs). One night someone dropped off a Corvette and I decided it would be fun to take it for a spin. I’m pretty sure I reached 120 mph, then something went wrong, the car swerved, I hit the brakes, the engine died, I thought I was dead, and luckily it all turned out ok. I started the car up again, drove about 20 mph back to the club and parked the car.
By the way, and this is the honest truth, the richer the patron, the lower the tip. I learned that lesson early on, on that job.
Rainer Lang says
I scored a 75. I have further to go.
I like this quote:
Heinlein – Specialization is for Insects
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects”.
-Robert A. Heinlein
Eric Soares says
Yes, Rainer, that is true for humans. But what about True Men? We should also be able to leap tall mountains, etc.
John Lull says
Well, hey I just remembered something else that will add some more points to my score! Along with the Corvette joyride, which was more idiotic than manly (but what the heck, it’s on the list), I did a 150+ mile backpacking trip with a buddy when I was 18, on the Muir trail along the crest of the Sierra.
So now my score is 87. I’m getting more manly by the minute, but I think I’ve topped out now. No matter how much I jog my memory, I can’t recall a single knife-stabbing or sword-skewering incident.
And hey, Brother Jack, I think vainglory probably counts as a manly trait, so don’t subtract any points on that account.
Finally, I’m wondering at the record number and quickness of all the responses to this post. What could that mean?
Eric Soares says
I figured you’d remember the corvette incident, John, as you have told me about it before. But of course, you were falling down drunk at the time you told the tale.
As for knife and sword stabbing, there is no item on that. I said “wield a knife, etc.”. ‘Wield’ means be able to use it, not maim someone.
John Lull says
I hear you Eric. I just couldn’t resist a bit of hyperbole. 🙂 Yeah, I can wield a knife, but probably not with the kind of discipline necessary to score points (unless slicing tomatoes & mushrooms counts for something). I’m pretty good at darts, though!
Eric Soares says
John, I knew you were being funny with the stabbing sword comment, but darts don’t count–unless of course, they are Ninja darts! 🙂
A comment about going 120mph in a vehicle: I put that easy item in there cuz I knew that a lot of guys would get at least one item if I put it in. Heck, 16-year-old teens could get that one. But it is a measure of True Manliness because it shows that you are willing to test the limits of a powerful machine, to see what it and you can do–even though you might die. Men do stuff like that, which furthers civilization, though a lot of them perish on the way. Hey, men are expendable. Think about astronauts, argonauts, “land speed records,” and the like. It’s dumb, but somebody has to do it. Who better than a True Man?
Tony Moore says
I didn’t do so well on the first few questions (eg. 150-mile trip), but that’s probably because I have 7 kids (extra credit?), and didn’t have that kind of extended time available, especially considering that I raised them alone for several years (my first wife died fairly young, and I didn’t remarry until they were all “grown up”). But I did do lots of extreme stuff, just not for days on end. For example, I used to regularly dive for lobsters…this may not sound extreme, but if you factor in that I did this at night, at up to 160′ deep, in waters with strong currents, in the middle of the winter, and alone (I know, I know, bad move, but it’s hard to get a diving buddy in such circumstances), it qualifies as extreme. Oh yeah, and without SCUBA certification. And I’d go on spearfishing (with snorkel) expeditions up to eight hours long on the open coast. I wrestled on a YMCA team (this qualifies under martial arts?), and was on high school and college gymnastic teams. Of course, more recently, (since 1998) kayak surfing, rock gardens, etc., and I still do spearfishing, though not as often due to fishing regulations. But I really like the fact that you included questions having to do with protecting the weak, and standing up for them. Perhaps points should be subtracted if these are answered “no”, or even put these questions at the top of the list, and if answered “no”, then the rest of the test should not even be taken. A man paralysed from birth who stands up for the weak is more of a man than anyone who is great on all the other points but is lacking in this. There are incredibly fit, athletic, tough, capable, extreme jerks out there who are bullys and care for no one but themselves!
Tony (75, without any extra points for the 7-kids thing)
Eric Soares says
Wow, Tony, you have a lot to say in your comment. First, if you raised 7 kids alone you should be given a special award, that’s for sure; but you still only get the five points, because we only count that a True Man raised a kid, which is the important part, not how many. 🙂
It’s the same for the question on walked/paddled 150 miles. Some guys, like Paul Caffyn for instance, have paddled thousands of miles in one shot. We SHOULD give him 25 points extra credit, but we don’t. The point of that item is that a True Man travels using primitive conveyance (not planes, trains, cars, which anyone can do). So a cave man traveling down the Athabasca glacier region to Montana would get credit, but someone who goes around the world in a plane would not.
BTW, wrestling on a team counts as a martial art, but gymnastics does not. You may get credit on the “top physical shape” item by being a gymnast in your prime, but not the martial credit. The point of the martial/wield bladed weapons item was that a True Man has actually practiced moves to defend himself, as a warrior would have in the past. This is separate from the guns item, which shows that a True Man at least has some exposure to these super effective weapons, as a True Man who is a warrior would. That does not mean he has shot someone, which is a capital felony unless done in legitimate self-defense.
What you say about “standing up for the weak” really should be given 40 points and put up at the top, as you indicated, because it is probably the most valid measure of a True Man. Yes! Fit and tough bullies should lose 40 points, IMO. But I didn’t want to make the scale too difficult to score, so….
I could have also put “save someone’s life at great risk to your own”, even though I have done that, but I didn’t. They can’t all go in!
John Lull says
Eric wrote: “Think about astronauts, argonauts, “land speed records,” and the like. It’s dumb, but somebody has to do it. Who better than a True Man?”
Excellent point Eric! I just finished a book about Area 51 (I’ll probably be on some sort of CIA list after mentioning it here) and man the guys who tested those fighter jets, flew spy missions over the USSR, etc, were about as gutsy as they come. And yeah, they were expendable, by necessity.
Moulton Avery says
Dang! I thought I was headed for Burlyman City until I did the math. A candy-ass 76. So, like John, I started scrambling around in Memoryland, looking for something, hell, anything manly, that I might have overlooked. Seek and ye shall find. Maybe. It all depends on the judges: So Eric, does working in an ER for three months count? If not, I’m 76% Burlyman and 24% Girlieman. Which is perfectly fine, by the way.
Still, your post got me to thinking, an activity which you’ll have to admit, isn’t exactly a manly pursuit. Man of Thought vs Man of Action? No question which one of those dudes is more manly. But I persisted, and came to realize that I’m not at all clear what any of this means. Philosophically, existentially, you understand.
I’m thinking, how can I thrust out my chest in manly pride and take personal credit for those items that were simply the result of youthful testosterone production, rather than, say, character. I mean, sure, some of that stuff, like climbing mountains, was pretty cool, but what am I to make of the stunningly huge (HUGE) amount of Jackass-type behavior that I’d be happy to leave buried where no one can find it? How am I supposed to factor that into the Manly Man mix? It feels kinda like cheating if I start cherry-picking those testosterone-fueled items that are cool, but ignoring the far larger number of Jackassian things, many of which seemed cool at the time, but actually turned out to just plain stupid. So, Master Eric-san, now you tell confused Grasshopper what it all means .
Eric Soares says
Ah Grasshopper-san, let Mastah Eriko-sama splain things. Working in an ER room would count for item #10, “serving as an EMT”–close enough. And BTW, a 76 is a True Man of Iron; there’s no need for anyone to “strive” to get a higher score. Once you are a True Man, you know you can do anything (you might die, but you can give it your best shot). 🙂
A Man of Thought is a Philosophy Dude, which would score high on the “True Human” scale still in secret development. A Man of Action is the True Man we be talking about here.
As for “character” vs “testosterone,” here we go. Some items are definitely more testy–as in “120mph” & “dangerous outdoor activities”. Some are in between–as in “blades/martial arts” & “fist fights” (if you tried to avoid the fight, you are not testy; if you picked a fight, you are testy). But many are pure “character” items–as in “defend the weak” and “pay debts” and “wear scars with dignity” and “speak truth” and “not fear death”. Others are Outdoor Competence angled–“fire & shelter”, “150 miles walk”, “hunt an animal,” and “camp alone 3 nights”.
The point is, you don’t have to be a scholar to be a True Man. You don’t have to be rich, or hip, or PC, or dress up like Darth Vader and go to an Oakland Raiders game, or have a 5G Dick Tracy phone, or drive a waxed and polished Hummer. You do have to have worked hard at a hard physical job (being a dishwasher counts, but being a bean counter does not).
Finally, having something bad happen to you (except for the “scars” item, which covers all bad things), such as getting bit by a snake or stabbed by a mugger doesn’t count, as this could happen to anyone. Now, if you bite the snake back and eat it for dinner, that’s a True Man action! If you get stabbed by the mugger, but then beat him within an inch of his life and use your own shirt as a tourniquet around his neck to stop the profuse bleeding in his head, you are a Man of Iron indeed. Savvy? 🙂
And as for jackassian things we have done, the “120 mph” exemplifies this; it’s also illegal in 49 states. If you want to know a few of the jackassian things I have done in water, read my CONFESSIONS OF A WAVE WARRIOR book. It’s full of them.
Moulton Avery says
Absolutely brilliant, Eric! I walk in your shadow.
JohnA says
Hi Eric,
I’d just like to wish you and the gang a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year with lots of salt water in it. Thanks for some interesting and thought provoking posts over the year.
tye meredith says
Eric that was fun. I sure get a kick out of way your mind works. It’s an interesting thing to look from the inside out and the outside in and score it. I scored 80 and I’m not sure if I reached the level of a hairdresser or if I would fight over it. The test reminded and made me miss some of steps that brought me here. Can’t wait to get together and hash a few of these over with you and Nancy.
Have a very Merry Christmas and Awesome New Year!!!
Eric Soares says
Thanks everyone, for helping make this particular post and all my past posts so much fun. I really appreciate each person’s comments and have tried to respond here and there.
I wish all of you a truly fabulous 2012. I spoke with some Mayans in Guatemala while at the top of the temple at Tikal and they said, “We Mayans don’t believe that 12/21/12 will be the ‘end of the world as we know it.’ It’s just the end of the Mayan calendar. We will be cooking food and living life as we always have.” So let’s treat the New Year as the beginning of the rest of our lives–and go for it as best we can!
On January 2, 2012 i will post an essay on seal landings in ocean rock gardens, so we’ll be back to the normal routine. 🙂 I’m hoping for more groovy comments on the True Man post, so keep em’ coming.
Steven King says
Don Diego,
I am taking the bait on your last “hope there are more comments on True Man post”. But first I wanted to add a note on the year 2012. Maya scholars have indicated that the end of world 2012 was never what the sophisticated Mayan Calender was about or predicted (that was new age media hype). It indicated that year 2012 would be the end of that cycle and that it would mark the start of the next cycle of Mayan calender and time not the end of the world, a bit more like the Buddhist and Hindu cycles of life or time on a more grand scale.
Back to True Man. I realized that I would be a 95 or higher percentile True Man by modulating your criteria that landed you in the 95% and that you or others might drop down to 80 percentile or lower. Since it was fun to see if my foot fit into your True Man shoe I put one of my sandals in for giggles, sort of like Marcs questions. In some regards this is a Hemingway exercise of self reflection. I also fall into the camp of continuing to do, dream and live more experiences versus reflecting on the past. Here are my switch outs or = xxxxx.
NEW 1. Have created canoe from wilderness with only machetee and paddled for 2 days and at least 5 hours on moonless night on small streams and tributaries.
NEW 2. Have walked and camped, in Primary Tropical Forest for 5 day journey or more.
NEW 3-Have Sailed on a boat 36 feet or less for 27 days or more on open Ocean.
NEW 4 In a marriage or long term relationships have both won and lost fights—and avoid them when possible.
New 10-Have provided medical care to local communities in under served remote locations such as Guatemala, Tanzania or India for 4 weeks or longer.
Happy Holidays to all and may all find true peace and joy this season!
Steve
Eric Soares says
Good items, Steve! I’m going to have a hard time giving myself points for providing medical care to Tanzania for any length of time, that’s for sure. But I would definitely consider it a good substitute for EMT or cop or soldier for item #10!
i tried to make my items generic so a person anywhere could relate to them (I still blew it culturally with shotguns, since Aussies are not allowed to shoot them apparently, but they can in England–go figure). So “built a canoe” could sub for “build a shelter,” sure. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t have access to canoe building materials, or don’t live near major water, etc., or they build reed boats or rafts instead. I’ve builts rafts out of found materials with only a hammer and rusty nails pulled out of boards from dilapidated buildings and gone down the river–would that count for “canoe building” under your new items?
Your ‘sailed on the open ocean for 27 days’ would definitely count for #3, IMO.
The “marriage fights” item. Gosh I don’t know. If the fights were physical, I’d say they’d count. If it was verbal, typical marriagey stuff, I’d say no–otherwise anyone who’d been in any LTR could claim that one, as snipping and arguing inevitably occurs.
Thanks for coming up with clever and logical alternatives for some of the items. Readers should feel free to substitute words and deeds on items if they feel it is proper.
Doug Lloyd says
Eric, I like your perspective on a True Man – you even included truthfulness, wow! Maybe that is a good idea on a test that’s relying on honest adherence as we report back. I think a True Man seems somewhat more well-rounded than strictly a He-Man or the over-vaulted Real Man (rugged, skilled) but different in demeanor than a Renaissance Man (Homo Universalis). Being a man is more than Y chromosomes initializing development of the testis but rather what you do with the stones you are given, and how you do it (read, live it; love others with generosity; man-up when you need to and develop skills as appropriate).
I scored full marks (well, I do live in Canada, played private school rugby big time, have lived deep in the bush making log cabins overseeing serious youth offenders, was in the military, packed-out Elk quarters down mountains and across swift rivers while trying to keep big hairy stag-balls out of my face, etc.) — though I feel I should deduct something because of that speeding thing: at 120 mph plus the front end of my Chevy 327 Canso lifted off the roadway and if you don’t have control, well…like extreme kayaking, it shouldn’t count. I also should deduct marks because I can’t waltz well or do the Foxtrot. A True man should be able to lead his partner well – then again, long, continuous flowing movements across the dance floor might fit a different definition. I also don’t hug my wife or teens girls enough – and a True Man surely would, as well as hug trees (just not collect acorns though, and expect it to count on your test, apparently!).
I admit I’m week on wielding weapons and went the medic route in the military, rather than the warrior-way, though I do know how to thrust a knife using my left hand on the heal for additional depth penetration and Xiphoid disarticulation. I’ve taken a few big guys down with words alone and the too-effective choke-hold as a last resort. I’ve never thrown a man over my head onto the windshield of his repossessed vehicle, nor would I be able to, which seems manly enough on some reality-based TV episodes. I have lived a life of faith, which some will call a “crutch” and some will call an admission of imperfection and a need to find a better way to truly love others. I teach my children value of tolerance and the humility that no man has all the answers.
And I’d probably do poorly during one of your pocket-beach martial-arts warm-ups where you trade blows knocking each other off-balance. Like John Lull, I have a cozy cockpited kayak and don’t need to perform athletic feats on land to stay warm between headlands!!!
Eric Soares says
You are funny, Doug, and also bring up some good points. Did I read you correctly–you said “I received full marks”? Does that mean you are the mythical guy we’ve heard of who is 100% True Man?
You should not deduct points because you can’t foxtrot. WTF? Being a good dance partner is cool & perhaps could be a test item, but it’s not on the list at this time–and probably won’t be in the future. 🙂
It takes a true man to admit he doesn’t hug his wife and kids enough. I think it would be true to say we could and should hug our loved ones a lot more often. But if you have raised a child, even with your imperfections, (believe me, I’ve messed up plenty with my kids, my relationships–heck, I’ve been married 4 times!), you get full credit on the ‘raised a kid’ item. If anyone should deduct, it’s me, as I was an absentee father for years.
Acorns? Oh yes, you can collect all the acorns you want (leach and grind, cook, eat), but it’s not the same as hunting an “animal.” It’s hard to take the life of an animal. And if it’s easy, maybe one doesn’t have the right hunting ethic. (I’m sure you have the right ethic, though. You don’t kill animals for pleasure, only for food or defense if there was no other way).
As for knives & xiphoids…not going there on a public internet discourse site. We can talk about that when we are together in person. But I can say you’d do fine in our judo scrums on the beach. 🙂 And as for your faith: if it serves you well, embrace it. Thanks for your comments, Doug.
Doug Lloyd says
As it’s the season to make lists and check them twice I went over it one more time Eric — no, not 100% as I thought, though many I hit as positive I also got multiple positives for the same question. However, I still owe my gas fitter cash for a re & re of my tankless system, I’m a bum! And, my scratch built fire was done with an emergency flint and sap/cedar on a hunting trip gone south. I did sell my Ruger M77 and bought a sea kayak and don’t hunt no more, just with a camera…
Sorry ’bout the knife comments, I was simply saying that if you are going to learn this stuff, do it seriously or not at all — but thanks for not sticking your readers with a knife like some blog moderators and then worse, twisting it!
I was into 4X4ing for years too, but rolled my Bronco twice, once avoiding offroad bikers (went up a tree sapling off to the side until it reasserted itself and catapulted me up and over sideways onto the logging road again as I slid down hill ripping off the side of the truck) and once I rolled it in a parking lot doing reverse 180’s. What a man eh?
Best of the season to you and yours. If you ever find out why it takes eight maids to milk a cow when they only have four teats (the cow that is) please let me know. Maybe there were two cows. i was never that good at math. Maybe I’ll get an Android with a calculator application.
Eric Soares says
Ha ha! Thanks, Doug. Here’s to a smurfy solstice, a coolwater Christmas, and a groovy 2012. BTW, Santa gave me camo pajama bottoms. I really scored this year!
Sasha Joura says
I thought that this shouldn’t be called the “Are you a True Man?” quiz, but the “Are you Eric ‘True Man’ Soares?” In my opinion, it was hopelessly biased, but mightbe I’m just feeling upset because I only scored 35. 🙁 (Although, considering I am only 24 and female, this may not be such a bad score, right?)
I think it would be more appropriate in a series of quizzes along the lines of “Which Tsunami Ranger are you most like?”
Eric Soares says
Sasha, you are so right. We really should have a series of quizzes. I’m still waiting for someone to come up with a “Real Woman” test. Would you like to do it? Send it to me in Word and it just might appear on this blog.
Here’s to a joyous new year for you.
Dave Fitzgerald says
I scored satisfyingly high with these questions (85) but some of these things were more a part of my life when I was young and foolish and poor and didn’t know how to fit into society very well.
I agree with Sasha above, this is more of a Eric ‘True Man’ Soares test, but fun and thought provoking. I feel pretty confident in my manliness now days but I don’t feel much need to prove it. A true man defines himself by his own standards.
Eric Soares says
Dave, no doubt you and Sasha are right about it being an Eric ‘True Man’ test. I tried to put items in generic terms and use common experiences, but what I chose represents what I think, and not necessarily what others would say is representative. I put the ‘young and foolish’ items in (such as ‘120 mph’ and ‘dangerous outdoor activities’) because these are building block activities to becoming a true man, IMO. These are items that an 18-year-old might score yes on, and are not dependent on the test taker being older and more mature already.
Our range of experiences often change as we get older. Most of the items I had completed by the time I was 25; but some, such as ‘raise a child’ can’t be finished as a young man. Others, such as ‘pay debts, kept word’, ‘speak truth’, ‘not afraid of death’, and the like, can only be claimed once a man (or woman) has been alive a for a fairly long time. For instance, how can one really claim to ‘pay your debts’ when only 25? The big debts (e.g., mortgages, your kids’ college educations) haven’t happened yet.
Thanks for your observations! I agree that one should always define oneself by one’s own standards. And if one’s standards are grounded in reality, others will agree. For example, few today would agree that “I rape and pillage wherever I go” is a measure of a True Man. But most would agree that “I’m kind to women and children and protect the weak” is a valid item. Wouldn’t you agree?
John Lull says
I see the point about this being an ‘Eric’s True Man’ test, but I don’t totally agree that it was so specific. I actually think those categories are pretty generic and if you’ve got to limit it to 20 items, the ones Eric picked are good ones, imo. Regarding the ‘young and dumb’ things, there was very little of that, aside from the 120 mph joyride. I don’t consider climbing around in the mountains or kayaking to be young/dumb activities, although you can approach them in a dumb fashion. Even that’s ok, if and only if, you learn from your mistakes.
The real young and dumb things have little to do with being a true man. Things like drunk driving, talking back to cops (who have the guns!), playing with guns instead of learning how to use them properly, and generally acting like an idiot, etc.
I really like Dave’s final statement: “A true man defines himself by his own standards.” I couldn’t agree more.
Kurt Thiel says
Good Night Eric, Rest in Peace. May you forever be…in the great beyond the True Man you were on this blue orb.
Fair Winds and Following Seas my friend.
From a True Man whose daughter meets almost all your criteria within her ken and a son well on his way to the 115% goal and a wife who exceeds us all by putting up with us.
A high flying, two fisted fighting, bottom of the bottle finding Naval Aviator (Tail Hooker)
Kurt Thiel